July 30th, 2013 § Leave a Comment
First Things First
Look at him over there. Let’s face it, he’s not what you bargained for. The funny, charming guy who thought about you all the time. Yeah, it almost did seem like … Ain’t no mountain high enough, Ain’t no valley low enough, Ain’t no river wide enough … He was so into you, you could hear his smile over the phone. Those feelings of love, they steamrolled everything. No worries. No troubles. “What troubles? As long as you’re with me.”
Now, look at him. Forget mountains, valleys. Now the couch is too deep, the living room too wide … And he’s got troubles alright. Wears it on his face. The elixir worn off; the dumb grin that you thought so cute has been long replaced by the sober gaze. He’s uglier now. How did one decade do this to him?
And this boy in your arms – this beautiful newborn? Innocent. Pure. True. The love for this one was instant. No, it didn’t grow. It was just there. Divine. Naturally ordained. And he needs you. You’re everything to him. Everything. Your smell, your voice, your touch soothes him. Not only do you love him, you’re filled with compassion for him.
The dude across the room? Big. Frustrating. Sure, he has his moments, but they are getting few and far between. And besides, he can take care of himself.
The baby? Beautiful. Lovely. Doesn’t know any better.
The dude? He should know better.
Right. I know; makes perfect sense. Look at the two: Look at the dude; look at the baby. The dude gets demoted. Feelings tell you, “Yes, obviously.” Practical need? Of course. Even your instincts say, “Everything for the kid.” Everything points to orbiting around your children.
Don’t do it. The practical attention you give to your marriage will suffer with children, but you must never place children at the center of your family. First things first. Your marriage gave birth to your children, not the other way around.