May 14th, 2013 § Leave a Comment
Show me; don’t tell me
Another version of “Talk is cheap.” Nowhere is this quote more apropos than in a marriage relationship. Love is an action word. And because of the literal “life giving” weightiness of all that this word encompasses, if it does not line up with your actions, better just not to use it. Without the acts of love, the word itself is beyond empty; it’s insulting.
Your wife, she needs to know that she is loved most of all. When you were dating, she put up with all the other stuff: Your family, your boys, your work, your hobbies, your stupid teams. But when you looked into her eyes and said, “I do” you in effect told her, “To you, I choose to be foremost devoted.” Oh yeah, you did; you did. That’s what you said. Hey, don’t blame me for telling it like it is. Yeah, I know you were punch drunk; weren’t we all.
Now it’s time to put up or shut up – “Show me; don’t tell me.” Your wife has to see a step away from others, and a step toward her – see being the operative word here. She has to be able to point to it, “Yes, that, that right there.” You have to tell your parents to let you two handle it. Tell the boys, “Nah, can’t get that round in.” When you’re home, you need to turn that work phone off. Money can’t be happily spent on others and scrimped with her. Can’t have your tears be reserved only for when your team gets bounced in the first round. Can’t do these things; can’t do them, and tell her, “Honey, I love you.”
Okay, one warning and two words of encouragement:
Warning: Cowing to unrealistic demands is not what I’m talking about. There are acts of love and cowing. Learn the difference. Hint: I find loving takes sacrifice and courage, and increases my feelings love for my wife. Cowing takes selfishness and cowardice, and makes me hate her.
Encouragement: 1. Once she’s assured, once that word is validated, she’ll join you in the others of your life. 2. Failing miserably is not fatal. For those who seek it; there’s always hope.