Cooked Goose

Something for the Ladies Part 2

Why not? Now that I’ve gotten the two of you ladies who read this sufficiently annoyed, “Might as well go all the way.” I realize there was no “bright side” to my last post. Nobody wants to hear, “Damned if you do; damned if you don’t.” What can I tell you? You’re in a tight spot; you married a man. Sorry.

If you do not resist the urge to motivate by nagging (I use this word as a very broad umbrella, encompassing everything from masked slights to full-blown browbeating) I say one of two things will happen:
1. Your husband, being so annoyed by the constant barrage will take to flight. He’ll do this in any number of ways – everything from immersing himself in work/other interests to physically removing himself. There’s an ancient Hebrew proverb – something about taking up residence on the corner of one’s roof being a preferable alternative to living with a nagging wife. He’ll take off. In the end, you will not get what you want.
2. The second thing is far worse. He will decide it’s just better to do what you want rather than deal with the relational malaise at home. In an effort to appease the unpleasant voice, he’ll begin to cow to you. “Anything. What do you want? Anything to quiet that voice.” Initially, you’ll get what you want, but in the end you’ll be getting it from a man who will become odious to you. You’ll despise him for being spineless and cold. After gnawing him into submission, you’ll have the gall to wonder, “Why can’t my husband be like him?”

Simplistic? Yes. Descriptive? Gotta tell you, I see it a lot.

Okay, so can I tell you another thing. What your husband needs is you to believe in him. Trust him. I know … I know, Crazy. It’s asking a lot. And to ask it with no guarantees? I have some nerve. But I really do think it’s the only viable path to getting what you really want: A man who loves you sacrificially, willingly. Do it and pray. Really. Pray. Pray that he will be the sort of man who responds to your love for him in kind.

Something for the Ladies

Can I tell you ladies something?
I have this vivid memory of a moment when I was about six years old. I was walking along with some others when I caught in my periphery a reflection of myself in a glass storefront. Letting my companions walk ahead, I stopped and turned to look at the boy who stared back at me. And a singular thought: “I don’t ever want to get older than this.”

In men, this longing to be a boy dies a reluctant death. We play games as long as our bodies will allow. Speaking of games, go to a golf shop and you’ll see the same expression of wonder and longing that you’ll see across the way on the faces little boys at Toys R Us. Like we used to back in the day, we still need to go “run around” with the boys once in awhile – you know, “fart around” and get some laughs. For the life of us, we can’t remember little errands. And yup, the same dude who’ll duck tape a severed finger will whimper like a toddler when hit with a little fever. Boys will be boys, right?

All this is infuriating for you ladies. “Grow up!” You see, you ladies can’t understand all this nonsense ’cause you all aren’t anything like us. When you women became women, that was that. No looking back. Why would you ever want to be a little girl? In fact I think most of you couldn’t wait. You played “Mommy” and fantasized about your wedding day. A Princess and Prince Charming. Boys are Peter Pan oblivious to the existence of “Wendy”.

Regardless of our differences, you’re right, it is an ugly thing when a man fails to become a man. Agreed. There will likely always be a boyishness in a man, but a man he must become. Now, the thing I wanted to tell you ladies is that the temptation will be to try to thrust your husband into manhood by nagging him, frowning upon his games, his friends. By pestering him. Don’t do it. It will not work. I wish I can tell you that if you do not nag, he’ll snap into manhood. I really do. I can’t. What I can say is nagging, though it may seem like the only course of action available will not work. That unpleasant sound will not call him into manhood.