July 6th, 2012 § 1 Comment
The Beast moniker is overused in sports. Anyone who does anything big is a beast. “He’s a beast off the tee.” You know you just called a guy wearing an argyle, vest sweater, and white trousers – a guy standing on a manicured tee box of a private country club a beast, right? No. The name ought to be reserved for those select few who literally send shivers down our collective spine – the ones who freeze us in jaw-gaping, glass-dropping terror.
Robert James Gronkowski is a beast. The Gronk, all 6’6″ 265 of him. The dude is huge. Now combine that size with … okay, I’m gonna say what we’ve all been thinking … Gronk isn’t the brightest bulb on the chandelier. C’mon, you’ve thought it. You’ve watched the post game interviews, the YouTube clip of the wild, post Superbowl flail dance. He’s missing that something connected to inhibitions, to calculating risk. It’s what helps him be singularly minded on a football field. “Gronk catch, Gronk run, Gronk spike ball real hard.” This past season, watching him barreling down the field like a starving giant palming a loaf of stolen bread, I involuntarily muttered Beast. And I suspect a few undersized defensive backs did the same as they braced themselves for a beating. The combination of size and his single-minded, recklessness makes Rob Gronkowski a certifiable beast.
Will the beast go in the first round in your draft? If we knew the beast goes off again this year, then we’d have to draft him early. But before we get too excited, remember, Gronk had the best season by a Tight End ever. Ever! How often does ever get repeated? Welker and Hernandez are still there. And the Pats just added Brandon Lloyd and Jabar Gaffney, who I think both fit the system better than Ocho. And then all those Defenses that were abused, they’ve been up all night studying. You know what happens to monsters – to beasts. They run amuck for a while – terrorize the countryside. But eventually they send in the mob with the pitch forks; eventually they fly in the airplanes. And we all know how that story ends.
Beast or no beast, I’m not taking a Tight End in the first round.