Cooked Goose

Our Son was not planned. Or better, at ten months our Son descended on our three year plan like a missile from the sky. “In coming!” Five months after his birth, my wife was taking another home pregnancy test. Yep, you read that right. This time in secret because she could not bear the thought of weeping in front of me if the result confirmed her suspicions. It did. She wept. It was our two year anniversary.

Yeah, yeah, I knew what caused pregnancies. The problem was we were using a natural method of birth control, which is to say, we were using the method that gets you pregnant! Not saying it doesn’t work. Depending on the method, it could prove to be an effective form of birth control. Where the flaw lies is not in the method itself, but in its dependence on human, namely the husband’s self-control. We realized too late that the common backdrop for most of these conversations about natural birth control were kids – lots of kids. Crawling, crying, running around, throwing. From the midst of the swirling mayhem would come forth a calm voice, “Yes, we went with a natural method; it’s great.” Do not listen; look around.

Nine months later our beautiful daughter was born. After she was born my wife pretty much wanted me fitted for a full body latex suit.
“Hi honey. How was your day?”
“Good. And you?”
“Good. Here, why don’t you put this on?”
“Now? But it gets so hot in that thing? Do I really have to put it on before dinner?”

Speaking of latex … one day, my wife says, “Why didn’t we have some condoms around for those iffy days?” Aaah, right. Hey so those of you going natural, something to think about.

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