Marriage Mondays

March 24th, 2014 § Leave a Comment

Every Act of Kindness …

What’s the quote? “Death by a thousand paper cuts.” Most marriages that die do so by a thousand paper cuts. Sure, there are affairs. There are abuses. But that’s more the slug mercifully banged into the back of the head of Inevitability. Long before the BANG! the steady hemorrhaging from a thousand misspoken words, a thousand inconsiderate decisions, a thousand withholdings had already put the ashen gray complexion on it.

Conversely, happy marriages are far less about the surprise trip to Paris, the five carat tennis bracelet on Valentine’s Day, or renewing your vows every ten years. It is built with tangible, appreciable acts of love. Every act of kindness …

The other day, I unexpectedly got the afternoon off. When I got home, my wife was overwhelmed with something that hadn’t gone the way she had hoped. Nothing big, but just enough to put her off. I asked if I could take her out to lunch. She happily accepted. As she was getting ready, it occurred to me that a lunch date may not help her in her state of being overwhelmed.

“Hey, I was thinking lunch would be good, but if going and getting that thing done or crossing something else off the list would help you, we can do that instead. I’m up for whatever.” That was it; it’s what she wanted. She didn’t even take me up on it. What mattered to her was that I offered – that for a moment I really thought about her: Where she stood, what she needed. As small a token as it was, it was a genuine piece of evidence that her husband loved her.

It’s what my wife wants. It’s what she’s wanted all along. An answer to the question: Do you think of me?

 

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