Spanky Part 2
January 11th, 2013 § Leave a Comment
With most things, context is big. Naked, alone, before stepping into your shower? Perfectly, acceptable. In fact, anything else would be odd. Naked whilst running onto center court at Wimbledon during Federer v Nadal, third set tie break? Unacceptable. You’re likely to get tackled, thrown in a wagon, and locked up. Context. Spanking is no different. And in the case of spanking your child, the relevant context is that of your relationship with your child.
Disciplining your child by spanking must be done within the context of a loving relationship. There has to be no doubt that you love your son, your daughter. And that unshakeable belief must be that of your child, not you. It matters very little what you believe. They have to be convinced.
Now, I get that loving relationship is not a easily quantifiable term. No clear metric for it. Right. Unfortunately, with something as complex and as varied as familial relationships, we’re limited to words like “good” and “loving”. I think most of us have an intuitive sense, but here are a couple words to consider as you assess your loving relationship:
Presence. If asked, would your child describe you as a present Dad. Are you around? Does he/she see you? When you are physically there, do they see your face? Do they get your attention?
Affirming. Would your child describe you as a father who sees the good in them? Who they can tell likes them? Even taking delight in them? Do you tell them they are good, smart, beautiful?
I wrote in my last post that with spanking our kids, we were very, very careful. I believe that care begins with context. You must assess whether or not your child finds him/herself in a loving relationship. In their eyes, are you among other things a present, affirming father? Do they feel safe around you? Are they loved? If there are doubts about a loving context, I wouldn’t do it.