Cooked Goose

Time for Dumpster Diving

So you say you had a bad draft. Well, join the club. It’s well represented – everyone from “family obligation” auto-draft dude to “I panicked when my guy got grabbed from under my nose in the first round. I never got back in rhythm. It was all downhill from there” guy. In our draft, one poor soul thought the 9 PM online draft was 9 PM Pacific. It wasn’t. When he showed up somewhere in the 11th round, his team was … well, let me put it this way, his RBs are: Rashard Jennings, Jonathan Stewart, and Felix Jones. Autodraft was unkind.

Well, I’m here to tell you it ain’t over. Not even close. What? The waiver wire looks like a barren wasteland? “There’s nothing out there,” you say? Even in the most desolate places, scavengers carve out a living. Like the jackal, you need to be crafty and learn to live on less. Here’s some tips for successful scavenging.

1. Go to where the vultures fly. They say vultures will hover over a dying animal. There are some running backs out there ready to keel over. And yes, you know who they are. How many of you think Frank Gore is going to last the season? What about Michael Turner? Look around for old guys and guys who’ve struggled to stay healthy and grab their back-ups. Kendall Hunter may be that little meal to tide you over for a few weeks.
2. Don’t be discriminating. “What? No way you take a Rams receiver? I didn’t know you had a choice.” Look, Rams will be down often and Sam Bradford will have to throw. With the offensive line the way it is, he’ll have to check down. Enter Danny Amendola. Hey, stop laughing and listen. Yes, exactly, the “Poor man’s Wes Welker.” The point being, you’re poor. He’s crafty, runs good routes, and most importantly there’s no one else. Also in this category, Devon Bess, and Greg Little.
3. Eat off another’s kill. Hey, if you can sneak a bone off a big kill, that’s good eatin’. Pick a 2nd or even 3rd receiver on a passing offense. Four interesting guys are: Alshon Jeffery (Chi), Titus Young (Det), Mike Williams (Tampa), and Brandon Lafell (Carolina).

Remember, you’re dumpster diving. You can’t be looking for a prime rib dinner. If you had Ray Rice, you wouldn’t be back here in a dumpster with me.

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