August 27th, 2012 § Leave a Comment
Where did I hear this? I think I heard it on Oprah. Yeah, I’ve caught an episode or two of Oprah. I’m not proud of it. It was a long time ago. Geez. Okay, I’m sorry, alright!
Anyway, I heard something along these lines, “You have to take care of yourself first before you take care of someone else.” I also heard that the key to any meaningful relationship is compromise. You know, “Give and take”, “Meet me halfway”, “You scratch my back …” Wrong!
First of all, you don’t want to tell somebody like me that I need to think about myself first. Bad idea. Like I was telling a friend recently, I’m a prolific thinker of self. In fact, we’re all world class thinkers of self. If you put me on a golf course with Tiger Woods, it would be ridiculous; I feel silly even writing it. Put me in a competition with him in thinking of self, I’d like to think I’d lose, but … hmm … I don’t know. It’d be close. In that competition, we’d be walking down the eighteenth; I’d be on the leaderboard. Sadly, in the human race, there might be a gap between the neurotically narcissistic and Mother Theresa, but it’s slight – definitely contestable.
Secondly, that whole compromise thing might work at the office or in foreign affairs, but not with your wife. You’re not supposed to trust people implicitly. The very nature of marriage demands implicit trust.
To become one, you have to run at her with crazed self-abandonment. You can’t be thinking about yourself. You definitely can’t be keeping score. I’m not suggesting you be spineless. Not suggesting you give her everything and anything she wants. That’s not love. And yeah, you’ll probably get hurt. You might end up putting more in the pot. Is that so bad?
The point of marriage isn’t a relationship that works. A relationship that works is nice, but for marriage it’s not ambitious enough. Think about it. In the end, do you want your hopes to hit the ceiling at “Well, it worked.” The point is oneness. Don’t let Oprah tell you any different.