Group Hug Continued …

May 2nd, 2012 § Leave a Comment

Look, I’m not saying I get that first thing. I’ve already divulged that I’ve dragged my wife through my darkness. Then there’s the selfish, self-centeredness. Before we married, my wife noticed that I always managed to will my way at the local Blockbuster. “We’d always end up getting something you wanted to watch. I really wondered if I could deal with that kind of selfishness.” “But, but … my choices were better … I was only trying to help.” We still watch a lot of Sportscenter. Yeah, I do dominate that remote … like all the time. Okay, right. I am very opinionated – often bullish about it. It does genuinely surprise me when I am wrong, which ought to mean that I’m frequently surprised. I am not. And that, my friends points to a serious gap in self-awareness. Who I think I am looks about as much like who I really am as Denzel Washington looks like Martin Lawrence. Not the most affectionate guy in the world. Slow to the trigger with words of affection or praise. And a down right bad gift giver. One Christmas I gave her a set of steak knives, okay! There I said it. If the first thing in loving my kids is loving their mother, I’m still not breaking even at the first thing.

All I’m saying is I believe they’re connected: Your love for your kids and your love for their mother. It “sets the table.” It’s the source, the foundation. The kids get an orientation to relationship. And from the love between you and their mother radiates out the love for them. Think about it: How many couples who love one another, end up hating their kids? Can’t think of too many, right? Now think about this: How many men would accept another man raising their kids while they are still alive? Not many. But those very same men, who would otherwise consider the proposition unimaginable, routinely let this happen to get away from the woman they’ve grown to disdain. The belief that we can by-pass that first relationship without affecting the second is wrong.

What I’m saying is this: You want to love your kids? Love their mom. It’s not easy, I know. I certainly haven’t gotten it right. It’s not too late for me though. With help, I can do it. Big or small every little step counts. For those who seek it, there’s always hope. Even for someone as lost as me.

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