A Reckless Hope

April 2nd, 2012 § 1 Comment

Have you picked up in these posts that I’ve had some anger issues? I have, and continue to struggle with them. Without laying on a couch and crying, “My mommy didn’t love me,” I will say as far as I can tell, a good deal of the darkness came on me in early childhood. So, it’s been with me my whole life. For me, as I’d guess is the case with many, anger comes skipping hand in hand with its sister, depression. I don’t know what constitutes clinical. I do know that in those worst days, when the darkness swept over me, it was pitch black.

When the demons come out, your family gets a real close look. So for years, especially those first few years, my wife and kids took the brunt of my bouts with the darkness. I remember one day after one of those frequent bouts, I sat across from a colleague at dinner. We were on a business trip to San Diego. This colleague, he’s a bit more than a colleague. He is over a decade my senior with two grown children. For years he closely mentored me, and in the process we’d grown to become unique friends – our times together are infrequent, but seldom casual.

Over fried chicken and biscuits, he asked me how things were at home. I was as you might imagine feeling defeated and hopeless. I confided in him my struggle with anger and depression. And told him, I felt I’d done irreparable damage to my most treasured relationships. Without so much as a beat of hesitation, he said, “I’ve seen you with your wife, kids. You are a good man. You are a good father. Sure, you’ve made mistakes, but it is never too late. You can do it.” Yeah, bit of a mixture: some truth, a good deal of hope – his reckless hope. When I could not muster it, I needed somebody else to hope for me.

He was right. So, let me extend to you the hand that was extended to me. Whatever’s happened, whatever you’ve done or failed to do, it’s not too late. You can do it. For those who seek it, there’s always hope.

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