June 30th, 2014 § Leave a Comment

There was an essay portion of the exam. It asked for a brief summary of the last book I had read. I wrote a little something about Escape from New York by Mike McQuay, the book made more famous by its film adaptation. If the random dotting of multiple choice answers somehow didn’t do it, I insured my fate with my ramblings about the virtues of Snake Plissken. It was a lock. I slept like a baby that night.

A couple weeks later, my parents told me what I already knew. I had failed the entrance exam to the exclusive prep boarding school. They were set to pour every penny they had and every penny they were going to make to maneuver us within striking distance of one of those Ivy League Schools. The private prep school. One tour of that place was all I needed to see. Dorm rooms with random kids. Dorks walking around in pleaded trousers, ties and loafers … well, they looked dorky to me at the time. A formal dining hall. What do you think the chances were of me finding a bowl of rice and some kimchee in that joint? Exactly. Moving from West LA to the Suburbs ripped us from ourselves. This? What was this going to do us? A month in that place, we’d hardly know ourselves. Forget it. No way I was going.

Our minds were made up; we were throwing that exam.

What I didn’t realize until I saw the look in my Father’s eyes was what the failure would mean to him. All I thought about was keeping myself out of that silly place. What he had to come to terms with was that his sons were dumb. The notice of failure came with it our scores. In my eagerness to keep my feet out of the fire as it were, I had been overzealous in portraying my stupidity. Of course I couldn’t tell him I threw the exam, he’d have wrung my neck. But now that I’ve seen my own children, you know, through that rosy lens only parents have, I wish I would’ve told him I threw it. It would’ve been worth taking the lumps to give my Father the relief of knowing that his son was not an idiot.


June 27th, 2014 § Leave a Comment

Facebook is like the combination of a 20 year high school reunion, bumper stickers and “What I did last summer” slide show, rolled together, streaming, non-stop in all its “Hey, look at me!” glory.

I don’t know … maybe it’s just me. I am going to be forty-five this year. Anyway, you can follow me on Twitter @theRealCookedGoose … just kidding.

Fantasy Friday

June 7th, 2014 § Leave a Comment

Bargain Hunters 

It’s basic economics. I know it, so we’re talkin’ elementary basic. Buy low. If you manage to buy low, you limit exposure to potential disaster and set yourself up for the possibility of a windfall. It’s true in real estate. It’s true in stocks. And why not? It’s true in fantasy football. Last season, RGIII was an unmitigated disaster. For what most people paid, he ended the season sitting no. 18 in scoring among QBs, one spot under Carson Palmer. With the Redskins going down, Rob sat out the final three weeks, which as you know if you’re reading this coincides with fantasy playoffs. Was RGIII a monster his rookie season? Yes. Was his value inflated last season? Yes.

Take a little lesson from recent history. As you sit in your fantasy war room, let the sound of bursting bubbles linger in ears. Dot Com … Pop! Real Estate … Pop! Colin Kaepernick … Pop! Doug Martin … Pop! And at every round, look for a bargain. Here’s a list of undervalued players at each position:

1. Jay Cutler – Did you know that Jay Cutler and Josh McCown combined would have been the third highest scoring QB in fantasy? Trestman knows what he’s doing. They still have Marshall and Jeffery, and one of the best pass catching RBs in Forte.
2. Matt Ryan – Maybe he’s too nice a guy. More boy scout than cowboy. I don’t know, but the guy is always undervalued. And now coming off a bad year. Look for Matty Ice on special. Julio Jones coming back, Roddy White on the other side. And with their defense, they’ll have to keep chucking it.
3. Andy Dalton – Don’t look now, but Dalton was the fourth highest scoring QB in fantasy. Nobody cares. He’ll be sitting there in the 5th.
4. Tom Brady – Can it be possible? Every fantasy dork…ur…analyst will be calling for Tom Brady to be outside the top ten. If Gronk is healthy, I’m taking a look at Tommy and his Uggs.

1. LeVeon Bell – After coming recovering from a preseason foot injury, Bell played every game. Doesn’t cede touches. Goal line. Averaged double digits. All behind a injury riddled, patch work line. All without making a peep. What’s not to like?
2. DeMarco Murray – Yes, missed games with injury, but only two. Rest of the way, solid with flashes of spectacular. Dallas knows it’s better when it runs DeMarco. The injuries keep him off the radar.
3. Ryan Mathews – Slow start, but came on down the stretch. McCoy has to know that Mathews is their best rusher. A conservative offensive minded coach, McCoy will keep a balanced attack.

1. Andre Johnson – Texans going to be better all the way around. Maybe even very good. Like I wrote before, I’m a Bill O’Brien believer. You think Andre Johnson is done? I don’t.
2. Victor Cruz – Shocker of a year. Eli was throwing more balls to corners than to his receivers. I think Eli sorts himself out. The Giants get better, and Victor Cruz is dancing the salsa a good deal more than four times.
3. No. 2 WRs – Just look at a top five WRs and turn 180 to find a nice deal across the way.

1. Greg Olsen – Never gets much love, but the dude never drops a ball. Might get crowded without any real receivers around, but then it could be also be said that he’s the only one around.
2. Jordan Reed – Concussions knocked him out, but big and athletic. Nice set of hands.
3. Rob Gronkowski – If fully healthy, you could get a legit 2nd round guy in the 4th or later.



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